


Dear Amélie

by Reynarius



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Grief, Heavy Angst, IM NOT APOLOGIZING, Major character death - Freeform, Vent Writing, how i made the entire mercymaker discord hate me in one FELL SWOOP
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2019-02-12 09:56:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12956760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reynarius/pseuds/Reynarius
Summary: "Perhaps you and I would have been able to dream so beautifully and so freely, in another life."Widowmaker addresses the fragments of the woman she once was, while taking aim at her next target.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I originally had this crammed into my drabble collection but honestly I love this piece too much to do it dirty like that. So now its a separate fic all on its own :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally had this crammed into my drabble collection but honestly I love this piece too much to do it dirty like that. So now its a separate fic all on its own :D

_Amélie Lacroix._

That was your name once, in another life.

A life buried now beneath pools of blood and empty shells, the bodies of those whose lives were stolen by you.

Just like Talon  _stole your own_.

But you remember that life…don’t you? You remember where I  _cannot_.

The things you did, the people you loved and who loved you back.

_Who you were…_

It hurts, I know it does.

You cry and scream, I feel it in my chest.

_In my very soul._

How you fight and fight, screaming until your throat goes raw. The torment you had to endure, like a disease on your mind. Pain burying itself deeper and deeper in our chest, but you bear the weight on your heart.

_I bear it on my skin._

You beat and claw at the cage they forced you in like a beast until your hands are broken and bloody. Ravenous you grow, filled with grief and rage. How desperately you cling to the idea of freedom one day.

And even now, you are still here.

Amélie Lacroix, the sole survivor.

Despite all they have done to beat you down and bring you to total ruin. To force you away from this mortal shell so they could use it for their little experiments. So they could put me here instead.

Yet through all of that, you’re still here.

When you grow too weak to fight, too weak to scream a second longer. To pound at those walls just one last time.

You just simply dream, dream of the most beautiful things.

Of a happiness I have not -  _will not_ , ever feel.

Dreams of your lost husband, a man who for so long had stolen your heart. You do not let memories of a love run cold taint these dreams however. No instead, you dream of a life filled with love, music and so much happiness. It is like a dance you have performed thousands of times, and at this rate? You have. And just like you did once before in the grand theaters of Paris, it is a dance you know oh so well.

You are addicted to the way you dream because for one fleeting moment you are so, so lost in the fantasy of it. In the warmth of memories still buried inside your own head, it is the only safe haven you have anymore.

But most important of all,  _you dream of her_.

That blonde doctor with the soft blue eyes, and the even softer heart. A smile that lit up any room like the sun, a laugh which left your heart fluttering. From the moment you met her, you were hooked, enraptured by her.

_With her._

Oh how the two of moved, that was a dance all on its own. You spun circles and circles around one and other, sometimes drawing each other so dangerously close. Other times pushing each other so far away.

But it never mattered how many times you pushed each other back, you came back and stronger than ever. Something that Gerard could never give to you, not the way Angela Ziegler could.

Even now, as I stare at her through the scope. You are here, watching her with me. She’s drinking coffee alone in her office, she always took it black with a spoonful of sugar. I would be willing to bet anything that it is what she’s drinking right now.

You don’t need to bet on that though, do you Amélie?

Of course you know she is, even as I have a finger on the trigger of my rifle. She is all you can think about, even now while her life hangs by a thread.

_Angela Ziegler._

You are thinking of the night she first learned that you could play piano, oh how you played piece after piece for her. Long into the night, the taste of champagne lingering on your tongue and warmth in your chest when you saw she had drifted off to sleep next to you.

Then you think of night that you burst into her office, no longer able to contain the fire burning in your chest. The overpowering need to just kiss her. But it turned into something more, started a fire that consumed you both that night.

She brings the coffee cup to her lips, and I know that at this moment you are remembering that  _damned mug_. Destroyed that very same night when the contents of that very desk were swept aside to make room for you two, one victim of that evening of indulgence.

My finger shifts on the trigger and you fight it in an instant, Angela sits there so blissfully unaware of what’s to come. Your resistance is not something I have felt in awhile, there is an emotion behind it and it is strong.

_You love her._

But is this not better for her?

Every night, she lays in a bed void of love or warmth. Her work is the lover she keeps now, if the bags under her eyes are any indication. The only warmth she receives is from the coffee she excessively drinks, she has brought that cup to her lips more times than she has drawn breath.

She aches because of you Amélie, aches for  _you_.

Is there not a mercy in this?

To free her from the pain gnawing at her heart.

I wait for you, wait for that hope to crumble under the mere thought. And in that time, Angela turns her gaze towards the window.

_Towards us._

For a second, time stops as our eyes seem to lock for the briefest of moments. But if she sees me, she does not react to it. Her eyes only draw closed as her shoulders bunch up and loosen, she’s drawing in a breath.

_One of her last._

My finger shifts on the trigger a second time, and this time there is no resistance. Nothing holding me back from pulling it for good, but I can feel the pain you are in. Deep, deep in my chest.

_It is time Amélie._

I can feel you, chérie. I know that in these last moments, in her last moments. You will not think of an angel with bloodied wings or a broken heart.

No you will think of Angela Ziegler in the moments that stole the very breath from your lungs. You will think of a night spent under the stars, laughter in your hearts and on your tongues. You two alone, with the wave of music and spinning around in circles without a care in the world.

3…

Perhaps you would have been able to dream so beautifully, in another life. Where the world is far kinder to you, one where you could love that woman with every piece of your heart.

2…

Amélie, one day you will see why this had to be done. It will be a painful truth but for now?

1…

Let her go.

Oh dearest Amélie,

In another life perhaps?

_**BANG** _


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just tell me, one last thing Amélie Lacroix....
> 
> Do you still dream of me in there?

_Angela Ziegler..._

A name that people knew around the world, one that they both respected and loved. An angel with a heart of gold, compassionate beyond compare.

That is what they call me, revering me as if I was a hero.

_But perhaps they shouldn’t?_

If only they knew, oh if only they could understand. To lay their gaze upon the list of names I bear in my mind,  _in my heart_.

It is a list of names, written in blood. Names of those that I have  _let down_. 

_Whose blood stains my entire existence._

Each name carries with it an immeasurable amount of grief,  _of agony_. Names that all melded together, becoming part of a raging ocean.

An ocean that bears down on my soul, ripping me apart from the inside out. Weighing down on my shoulders stronger and stronger, pulling me down into depths. 

_Further_

_...and further._  

Oh, if only they knew.

Then, then they would understand. 

_Understand that I am not a hero_.

I stare blankly into the coffee mug, down into the black coffee as the thought lingers in my head. It is a poison on my mind, touching every thought to pass through before it corrupts them.

Yet the bland white ceramic is cold under my fingertips, the drink inside having grown just as cold oh, so long ago. As I’m sure the rest of the pot I had brewed hours ago is by now too.

_But coffee is coffee._

It was another sleepless night, my only company the thin sheets just barely able to keep me warm. Many nights though, the only real company I have are the stacks of reports needed to be filled out.

Those  _god damn fucking reports._

I do not remember the last time I went out on a field mission, whether I have missed the calls or I am just simply  _not needed_. Contact with my friends in Overwatch has been limited.

But they are worried, I know they are. They see me, going days without sleep and working myself to the bone. Yet they do not understand why, they  _cannot_ understand.

Every night is haunted by the ghosts of the dead, I wake screaming and covered in a cold sweat. I will never forget that pain, the ghosts of the people  _I couldn’t save_.

The ocean of loss bearing down on my shoulders, the pain a current threatening to drag me under into darkness if I do not fight.

_But it is a fight I have grown tired of._

They would say that ‘today is another day’ or that it's ‘a fresh start’. That there are a thousands of lives to save, and even more reports to file.

But how many lives will I save?

_If any?_

How many people must die from my failures?

Carelessly, I toss my glasses aside onto the desk but I barely register the sound as I bring a hand up to pinch the bridge of my nose. Desperately fighting with a body and mind deprived of sleep to just  _fight_.

And just like that, the names come flooding back.

_Jack Morrison…_

_Gabriel Reyes…_

I hesitate, the pain in my chest swells then to an almost maddening level as the next name enters into conscious thought.

_Amélie Lacroix…_

A cold laugh falls from my lips.

_Oh, Amélie if only you could see me now._

You would take one look at the bags under my eyes, making some sort of sarcastic remark and tease me about how I work  _too damn hard_. To an outsider, you might have seemed cold when you spoke like that but just know Amélie.

I would know how you felt truly, I would see the worry in your eyes as clear as day.

Schätzli, I would give anything to hear your voice right now. To feel you press a kiss to the side of my head as you spoke to me, your words somehow managing to be sarcastic and loving all at the same time.

I see my tears hitting the desk before I feel them, trickling down my face and stinging the back of my eyes.

It hurts me, the memory of you. Feeling the ghost of your touch on my skin, even now I swear I can feel your laughter and breath on my neck. I can imagine your words against my skin, but god…

I am begging to whatever god above is listening, to let me hear your voice one last time.

It hurts more than words can describe.

And right now?

_Words fail me_.

I would scream if I had the energy to, if I had bothered to sleep enough. But right now, my body is too weak. The pain, god the pain is there though, the burning need to scream for everything to just  _STOP_.

Breath catches on the lump growing in my throat, allowing only a gasp to pass through my lips. My hand shakes as I reach to wipe away my tears, as if I was trying to push them back.

Push back not only the tears that are burning my eyes, but the memories that linger in my mind. Linger on every inch of me like a fog, and I am reminded of them at the worst of moments.

I try, desperately so, to push both back from my thoughts.

_It is too late_.

Like a seed they take root now, spreading and growing far more powerful with each moment they fester. Consuming me, dealing a far greater blow in my state of complete and utter exhaustion.

_Now,_

oh god now I can hear your voice, Amélie.

_And it is beautiful_.

I have few good memories but the best ones are always involving you. Like that night after the opening of your big show. God the smile on your face when we met backstage, you were panting but not once did you complain.

You held me so tight in your arms, whispering a thousand thank you’s to me. So excited when you asked me how I thought you did, I will never forget the glint in your eyes.

I didn’t tell you then what I wish I had, how I could not take my eyes off of you for a single second. How every move you make had me holding my breath,  _you were beautiful_.

You had been so, so grateful to have me there, celebrating that night with you when Gerard could not. Rather,  _would not_. But that did not matter, because even though I knew your heart was heavy.

_The smile on your face never faded._

Or how we went dancing together too, even after you had just gotten off the stage. Even now, I swear that I can hear the soft tune of the piano echoing across the pavilion where you took me.

_Oh, how we danced_.

You led the way for us, spinning me round and round. Showed me step after step until we were moving like it was the most natural feeling in the world. Our hearts were so light as we spun, like this was what we were meant to do.

Like we were meant to move,  _together_.

We moved together beautifully too, not just in dance but in passion as well. Pressing against each other and this very same desk, we still moved like it was something we had done a thousand times before.

I shake my head, shake away the ghost of your laughter in my ear when I accidentally stepped on your foot during our dance. But it lingers, like the feeling of you pressed against me.

Or your lips on mine, god I can still feel you. Your hands in my hair, on my sides, god even your smile on my cheek as you whispered to me.

_Telling me to relax and just let go._

I have to stop my thoughts then, I can feel the pain and warmth mixing in my chest. A deadly concoction that is urging me along like a current, threatening to drown me in the remnants of those  _beautiful memories_.

I  _know_ that it’s a deadly combination.

But god, I would like nothing more than to be whisked away by those memories. To live in those beautiful moments forever.

I force my hands to reach for that mug once again, the feeling of cold ceramic on my skin is enough to keep me from getting swept away for good. Cold coffee meets my tongue, but it is a taste I have grown used to.

Black with one sugar

... _I wonder if you remember that Amélie?_

Do you even remember who I am now?

Or has what Talon done to you rid you of all those memories?

_Are you still in there, Amélie?_

I look out the window of my office, out at the dawn’s sky. It is light yet dark all at the same time, a beautiful display haunted by a lingering shadow. A visual reminder to me that just maybe,  _not all hope is lost._

Suddenly though, my eyes are no longer focused on the sky or its dazzling colors in the morning.

No

_...my eyes are on you_.

Or rather who you are  _now._

I shut my eyes then, resigning myself to a moment of silence. My breath is shaky as I draw it in, my shoulders tensing and relaxing as I let it out again. I can feel those amber eyes watching me through the scope, and I do not fight it.

For this is what it has come to.

Part of me stops to think if I should do something,  _anything_ to try and stop this. But even when I usher my limbs to move, they do not respond.

And with a heavy heart, I accept what is to come.

Then I let myself get pulled away, down into the currents with those blissful memories. Because if my life is to come to an end, I do not want to think of those hateful amber eyes.

_I only want to remember you,_ _Amélie Lacroix._

How it felt to be around you. To feel the confidence oozing off of you, and god was it infectious. You gave me strength when I thought I had none left, even when doubts plagued me and threatened to drown my life.

You were the light, Amélie Lacroix.

I cared for you,  _relied on you_. More than I had with anyone else in my life, from the moment I saw you. You had been the one thing keeping me grounded. I felt things for you that just maybe I shouldn’t have, but then again...

_I know you felt them too._

Maybe it was your laugh, or your eyes. Perhaps it was your voice, your personality, hell even that smile of yours.

Whatever it was, I fell for you  _hard_. And it was inevitable fall.

A tear slips down my cheek, thinking of you, Amélie. Knowing I let down the one person I loved more than anything, the one person who made me happier than any other.

_And I failed you._

I can practically feel the countdown ticking in my head, each second that passes is another until I draw my last breath. You are hesitating and I do not know why, but I know that in the end it will not matter.

_It has been a long time coming._

_3…_

You will never hear these final thoughts, Amélie.

Never will you hear just how much I loved you, or how sorry I am that I failed you. That I did not fight harder for you, because god you deserved the world.

I am sorry I could not give that to you.

2…

God I wish I could speak to you right now, to tell you all the things I should have earlier. When you were in my arms, so warm and full of life. Not a weapon whose hands are stained with enough blood to nearly compare to my own.

I wish I could tell you that it is alright. That it doesn’t matter what you do, or  where we end up after this.

_Because I will always love you._

1…

Just tell me, one last thing Amélie Lacroix.

_Do you still dream of me in there?_

**_BANG_ **

I hear the shattering of glass. God I hear the bullet before I feel it and even then, it is only for a split second. White hot pain flashes and then there is nothing, my vision goes black.

_I am empty._

And then the world falls, faster and faster, it's almost dizzying how fast it's moving. So fast that I almost miss the voice ringing in my ears, calling out from the darkness.

_Beckoning to me_.

_“Perhaps in another life, mon ange._ _"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :') :')


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perhaps in another lifetime, one where you never know the cruelty of man or how death feels in your hands.

Sleep.

It is a sweet, sweet bliss that does not come easy to me.

_I know it doesn’t,_ _Schätzli_.

I just want to close my eyes, fall into peaceful slumber. Lose myself in the memories of you, in the way you made me so happy once. But with those beautiful memories comes the ones of a bloodied angel, pale skin and tainted by death’s touch.

You were struck with a bullet that should have never been fired that day, it stole a life that it was never meant to claim.

_God, I wish I could touch you right now,_ _Amélie. Hold you close and tell you what I wanted to tell you in those final moments._

_Tell you it was okay for you to take the shot._

_That I still love you._

Sombra tells me that she can get me out of this, tells me that I can have that freedom I thought was out of my reach.

I wish I could feel happy about that.

But any future I had, it died the second your heart ceased to beat. This future, one where I will never again get to see that smile or hear you laugh.

God, I have missed your laugh.

_Amélie, my heart…_

You are a memory, a sweet memory that clings to me and just does not let me go. But now, I feel you fading away, further and further from my mind's grasp. The only place I can find you now is in my dreams and I only want to hold onto them.

_Then tell me of those sweet, blissful dreams, Amélie. Get lost in them, if only for a moment._

Like the night I took you dancing after my show. I find you there, leaning against that piano with the warmest smile on your face. Holding your hand out to me, beckoning for me to come closer.

And you are in that stunning, short golden dress you wore opening night. It hugs your curves in all of the right places, but it is still in good taste and I can’t take my eyes off of you.

You are intoxicating to me, the sight of you and you alone. Like nothing else in that moment matters, not the crisp air breezing over my skin or the gentle hum of the piano as it plays.

_I remember that night so, so well. You were just as breathtaking to me, my love._

You and I danced, over and over for hours that night. Spinning circles into the floor, around one and other. It was like a gentle tide, pushing and pulling us around that space like we were the only two people in the world.

And for all I cared, we were the only ones.

_You don’t know how much I wish you could hear me right now, Amélie. How badly I could tell you about my feelings that night, how badly I wanted to kiss you as we danced_.

I feel...something right now but it fades. Like a cold touch, a draft breezing over my skin and I wonder if you are here with me. If the Angela Ziegler I know and love is here, just a faded spirit. Watching as I dream of a hopeless future with you, a future that I ended when I pulled the trigger.

_Everything fades Amélie…_

_But for now_   _I am right here, I will_ ** _always_** _be right here._

I just wish to dream that sweet blissful dream forever, to dance that dance with you for the rest of my life. To feel you there, in my arms and have not a single fear in this world.

_I want that too, my darling._

I lay my head back on the thin pillow, letting myself sink back into the mattress. It might as well have been the metal floors, but I do not care because it will ease me deeper into that sweet peaceful sleep.

_Let yourself go, Amélie. Close your weary eyes, forget everything and just simply sleep._

I hope that this time, when I fall asleep…

That I do not wake.

Because I would rather an eternity of rest, spent dreaming of you and the happiness you brought than live in a reality where I claimed your life.

I no longer hope for my freedom, because I know there is none to be had.

I just want to dream of you, Angela Ziegler.

_Perhaps in another lifetime, one where you never know the cruelty of man or how death feels in your hands_

But perhaps, another lifetime, Angela. One where your heart could be lighter.

_One where you could love me._

Where I could love you.

_And where I could love you_.

A life where you could love me.

But for now, I just simply spend these last moments focused on you and the dreams I know are coming. While this pain in my chest, this reality, it will fade just as you do now, chérie.

_This is our story, Amélie…that we could take back some day._

_But for now it is time for it to come to an end, and it is time for me to fade._

_So just close your eyes and dream._

Dreams of us dancing under the stars, lost in each other and the moment. Those are the dreams I want to have, the dreams I want to get lost in.

_Sleep well, Amélie._

_See you in another life, perhaps._

Farewell, mon ange.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :') :') :')


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But oh, how we danced like dreamers. Two souls lost under a sky of stars, carried away by waves of music. With hearts full of love, souls bared to only each other and the beauty of it all.

I told myself to dream of that night, the night we got lost in the moment. Lost in the fact that we had nothing to fear.

It was beautiful, breathtaking…

A dance for the wistful, the ones with hope in their hearts that burned like a flame.

The dance of dreamers, that is what we would call it.

You stare at me, those sapphires eyes lost on me and for a single moment I think there is something wrong with what I’m wearing. That is until I see the smile creeping up on your lips, and I hear you let out a breath.

One that I don’t think either of us realized you were holding.

Closer, and closer, you step towards me with a hand extended for me to take. The smile on your lips intoxicating, pulling me in deeper and deeper into your warming presence.

_Into you._

My fingers slide into your hand, across your palm until our hands lock. There’s an instant jolt of electricity at the touch, and you let out the most musical laugh when you see my shoulders shake.

You tease me then, asking me if I am ready for this.

Myself, the professional dancer of us two and  _you_ are the one asking  _me_ if I am ready. Laughter rises from my own throat then, my eyes glinting mischievously and then I am pulling you in close.

_Dangerously close._

I can feel as your breath hitches in your throat when our bodies press against one and others, I can feel your heart pounding against my ribs.

Or it’s my own, I am not sure which.

Despite the closeness and the heat rushing through my veins, the smirk on my lip lingers still. It is only an indication of how far I plan on pushing you tonight, how much I plan on dragging you through the steps. Sweeping you away in a tide of music and dance.

Your free hand grips at my shoulder, your thumb drumming against the pulse point in my neck. And I know you can feel my heart, feel it pounding under my skin like a drum.

Without a word ushered by either of us, the music is reaching our ears and that’s all it takes. Before I am sweeping you away, tugging you along like an ocean current and leaving you utterly speechless..

_I have never seen you this happy._

You step on my feet several times through the dance, stammering out apologies every time it happens and god, I do not mind it at all. But I tease, do I ever tease you about it. For a woman who had been so confident just minutes before,  _you sure are turning a delightful shade of red right now._

_Amélie…_

Your voice is a mere whisper as you plead with me to go easy on you, that you are  _still learning._

_But oh chérie, by the time this night draws to a close…_

You and I will be dancing like we had done it a thousand times before, dancing like we were made to dance with each other. The music soothing yet it’s moving us, guiding us through the motions of it all so might have that. We spin the most mesmerizing circles around one and other, stepping together as if we were one.

And so we do.

Around we spin, circle after circle across the floor. Soon I find you catching up, matching me step for step and it leaves me in awe. Seeing the way your brow has knit in focus, how your eyes sparkle every time I tell you how good you are doing.

_Oh, what a beautiful dance we perform._

I swear tonight I have fallen harder and harder for you. And I do not let the lingering thoughts of  _“I shouldn’t”_  cloud my head, because tonight, in this moment.

_You are all that matters to me, this night is all that matters. There is no need to just close your eyes and dream._

It would be one that never fades from our minds or our hearts. I can hear you now when this night is over, telling me that it will be a memory you will treasure for a long, long time.

_I would do anything to make it unforgettable._

As I stare into your eyes, I find myself unable to hold back the smile playing on my lips. It must be infectious because the next thing I know, you are smiling back at me with your own radiant glowing expression.

_Angela Ziegler, you are stunning in this light…_

There is a tenderness to the touch you place on my cheek then, fingers shaking their way across my jaw. Without even thinking I’m drawing her body closer, pulling her deeper into my arms as we spin

Music seems to fade away as we move, and the world is slowing down as our feet do. We are so perfectly in sync that we just barely notice that our faces are now inches apart, the ghost of warm breaths blowing across our skin.

_Amélie…_

You whisper my name, how it sounds in that breathless voice and I find myself rid of the air in my lungs. For a second it makes me think that my name was meant for your lips and yours alone, because my heart’s pounding harder than it ever has.

Then those lips of yours, they are on mine in a split second. Like our dance, our kisses are as fluid and just as beautiful. Stealing the breath from our lungs once more, leaving us to forget the outside world and drown ourselves in this moment.

_We don’t stop._  

Not the movements of our feet being carried away by the music, nor the kisses we are sharing. Your hands are shifting though, running through my hair and keeping my lips on your own.

_And I let you._

Because for the first time in many years, my eyes are finally opened. I may have loved another, but god not the way that I love you, Angela Ziegler. And I have to tell you or I fear my chest my burst.

When our lips part, whispered words of love are murmured through panted breaths. And for once it feels like our hearts have grown even lighter because we are  _together._

Separate minds, separate bodies but together in this moment. Lost in the dream of it all, thriving off of the bliss of a happiness we both have spent far too long searching for.

Oh if I could dream, I would dream of this night. Dream it a thousand times over, let myself fall victim to the music. To the taste of your lips. Over and over.

_If I could dream, I would dream of you, Angela._

This night, the music giving our feet motive to move, the lights and that happiness warming our hearts. It is ours and ours alone, it is our greatest dream. And no one can take it from us

_But oh, how we danced like dreamers. Two souls lost under a sky of stars, carried away by waves of music. With hearts full of love, souls bared to only each other and the beauty of it all._

And maybe…

We could craft a dream far more beautiful.

_…In another life, perhaps?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :') :') :') :')
> 
>  
> 
> I promise I'm done hurting y'all with this now

**Author's Note:**

> : ' )


End file.
